I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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