Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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