wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
