and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
