I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
