i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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