Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
