This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
