you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Two words: nipple clamps
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