Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
