And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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