i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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