I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize