thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
