I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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