Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
