Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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