I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
