going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize