we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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