you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
