Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
