Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
