my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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