someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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