Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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