I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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