i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize