I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
