if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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