There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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