I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize