If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
