I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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