so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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