The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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