I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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