am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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