Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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