Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
