I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
