what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
