That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
