I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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