my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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