how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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