sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
