I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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