I puked a lego.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
