do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
