It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
