so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
