Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
