I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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