oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
