Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
