Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize