You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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