I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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