guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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