Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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