Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
