Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we're making bets on your personal life
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
