I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
