i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
