The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
