I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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