yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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