So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
