I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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