Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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