I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
