3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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