just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
