Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
