I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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