i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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