She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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