3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i came on her dog
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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