...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
His nipple licking is glorious
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