You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
