So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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