i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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