Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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