Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize