He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
