After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There r osticjed everywhere
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
