We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
