Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
