I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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